


The Gnad Chronicles

by StrawhatsAndDelibirds



Category: One Piece
Genre: I did research and everything, It ball jokes all the way down
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-18
Updated: 2017-12-25
Packaged: 2019-02-16 10:52:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 7,824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13052520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StrawhatsAndDelibirds/pseuds/StrawhatsAndDelibirds
Summary: Because the only thing funnier than seeing someone get hit in the balls, is seeing people react to getting hit in the balls





	1. Chapter 1

“So yeah, it’s basically the same but it’s so much more aerodynamic. You’ll get at least three times the bang for half the buck.” Usopp boasted, handing her back her climatact. “ You’re gonna wanna test it out a little before you head out into battle. So you don’t end up leaving us stranded on an island because the weather’s too bad to leave port because you ended up smothering an island in a three day long thunderstorm, or like a hurricane.”

 

“I know how to use my weapon, Usopp.” She said, feeling the difference in weight. It wasn’t super noticeable, so this was probably another one of Usopp’s exaggerations 

 

“I’m just saying it’s gonna handle way differently and I don’t wanna be stuck somewhere without an out because you only test your weapons in battle.”

 

“That’s never happened.”

 

“Nami that’s happened like both times I’ve upgraded your weapon and twice you’ve kicked my ass for it.”

 

“I’ll kick your ass for it a third time.”   
  
“Thanks, Luffy. That means you’ll have to use it so i win.” Usopp’s insult both cut deep, and briefly got the attention of their captain, who then went back to fishing with Chopper and Zoro. 

 

“Fine. I’ll test it out. Thanks for upgrading my climatact for me.”

 

“Anything for a friend.” Usopp said in a tone that despite knowing that he was being genuine made her question if he was sassing her or just parroting back her tone. 

 

So she took a few steps back, assembled her climatact, and started to spin it. She had to admit, it did move a lot easier, maybe not as drastically as Usopp claimed, but it was still a noticeable difference and Usopp was known for exaggerating if not just flat out lying. At least when it came to weapons he was more truthful because there was a lot more at stake than just whether or not someone was impressed with the gift they got.

 

It spun really impressively, and she felt like she was getting used to it pretty quickly. She probably didn’t need to have worried if she tested it in or out of battle, but as much as she hated to admit, Usopp did raise a good point about it being a bad idea to test in a life or death situation. She adapted a lot faster than most, but his concerns weren’t all that misplaced. 

 

Maybe she was getting a little over confident, but she was a little curious how fast she could spin it. Because even with less effort than she’d normally do, it spun as fast as she’d normally do it. 

 

The bad news was, the faster it spun, the harder it was to stop. This was especially bad for when she heard Sanji sing out “Nami-swan,” and it was already too late. She did her best to slow down the staff, but despite her best efforts, it still hit its unintentional mark. There were audible gasps from the onlookers, even a slight, but visible wince from Zoro, as Sanji crumpled from the blow landed to his groin. The drink he had in his hand did safely land on deck without so much as a drop spilling.

 

“QUICK! GET HIM TO THE SICK BAY!” Luffy ordered, before him, Usopp, and Zoro all rushed over to pick him up, but hesitant as not to make this injury worse.

 

“I didn’t hit him that hard, it can’t possibly be that bad.” Because while it didn’t stop, she had slowed it down considerably, and Sanji had taken way worse blows that the one she had dealt him.

 

“Well, it’s more so that it’s a sensitive area, so even a minor injury can feel unbearable. But normally its nothing too major, but there is testicular torsion to worry about, where the testicals twist and there can be swelling,” She noticed out of the corner of her eye the guys trying not to drop Sanji as they all visibly flinched, “and if they stay that way for over six hours, the testicals could die,” again, the guys struggled not to lose the delicate grip they had on the delicate man, “and testicular torsion isn’t even the worst. Don’t even get me started on testicular ruptures, that’s-”

 

“OH MY GOD STOP! JUST HEARING ABOUT IT’S GONNA KILL US. IT’S MAKING MY JEWELS HURT LISTENING TO YOU TALK ABOUT IT! HURRY UP AND GET TO THE SICK BAY SO SANJI WON’T LOSE HIS JEWELS!” Luffy pleaded. Chopper snapped out of just talking in doctor mode, and leapt into action.

 

“Right! One of you go get ice, I’ll make sure everything’s in order” Chopper nodded, before running off to the sick bay.

 

For yet another reason, Nami was glad she wasn’t a guy.


	2. Chapter 2

Laundry day had to be one of his least favorite days. Not only did it mean that he was basically wearing his last outfit he had while everything got clean, but it also made it painfully obvious to everyone just how small his hips were compared to everything else. At least it meant that they were all basically around the same size, but it made things a lot harder to pick everyone’s undie’s apart once all the rest of the folding was done.

 

It really all came down to style, and he had to match up the intimates to what he was going to guess was his crew’s personality. It was definitely going to be super tricky.

 

Or at least some of it was. 

 

Chopper’s were super stretchy, because they had to change with him just as much as his clothes did. Zoro’s were super boring and were just plain tighty whities, and Brook wore old man undies that were way tighter than anyone else’s so that they didn’t just fall off his bones. He knew what his own super brand of undies looked like, so it all boiled down to three people. The girls did their stuff separate. He didn’t blame them, because as much as he loved them, Brook and Sanji could be super creepy.

 

Sanji’s had to be like his outfits. More classy and formal, and probably nothing less than plain black boxer briefs. Luffy and Usopp had to have a similar brand, they both liked to dress excitingly, and he doubted their gotches would be much different. 

 

Looked like it was just gonna be time for him to man up. There was nothing wrong with asking for help. Sometimes it didn’t matter how well you knew the person, you still weren’t gonna know what kind of underwear they wore. 

 

“Hey Luffy, help me out here bro.” Luffy, who had been stuck with the job of hanging up the wet stuff, immediately stopped what he was doing and came over. Just because it was the only part of laundry he could be trusted with doing, didn’t mean he had to like it. And because Luffy didn’t like it, meant that it was gonna be an absolute pain to get him back to doing it again. It was a mistake on his part, but he’d deal with it later.

 

“What’s up?”

 

“I need some help figuring out which undies are yours, and which as Usopps.” 

 

“Oh! That’s easy. I don’t wear underwear.” Luffy said, like that was a thing that was at all okay.

 

“Bro. Luffy. How can you just do that. That sounds so awful.” Just out there. How did he fight like that?

 

“I like the breeze. It makes me feel free.”

 

“Bro that’s the worst, your situation is so bad. How can you just let them bounce around like that?” 

 

“I like the feeling of freedom.”

 

Franky opened his mouth to say something, but Luffy spoke again, cutting him off. 

 

“You can’t make me wear underwear. Gramps, Ace, Sabo, Dadan, Shanks, Makino, Usopp, Sanji, Zoro, and Chopper all tried, and no one can make me change my mind. I chose the life of freedom, so I get to choose how free my jewels get to be.” Luffy argued. 

 

“Can’t you feel them when you move? They’re just touching your pants. Doesn’t that feel bad.”

 

“Can’t make me.”

 

“But Luffy-”

 

“Can’t make me!” He wasn’t sure why he was actually trying to argue with him. Franky already knew that this wouldn’t go anywhere. No one won arguments with Luffy. Not even Luffy. 

 

A gentle hand was placed on his shoulder. 

 

“You just gonna let this go. There’s no way to make him change. I’ve done this song and dance before.”  Usopp sighed. 

 

“Alright, you win, Luffy.” 

 

“Told you no one could make me wear underwear!” Luffy beamed triumphantly, before being escorted back to hanging by some hands sprouted by Robin, and Usopp left to go back to helping Luffy with the drying.

 

At least it solved up the issue of whose undies were whose. Any undies that he thought were Luffy’s were probably Usopp’s. 

 

Though it didn’t answer the new question he had when he pulled out a lacy thong. Maybe one of the girls’ undies got thrown into the mix by accident. Maybe it was Robin’s? It was that dark, mature kinda sexy kinda dangerous kinda vibe, and that didn’t really seem like Nami’s type.

 

“Hey Ro-” He was cut off by a red faced and embarrassed Sanji storming over and snatching them from his hands. They were shoved into his pocket before he stormed back over to the wash bin he was using.

 

That was something he wasn’t going to ask about. He had some questions, but he wasn’t going to say anything. This was super uncomfortable and he was just gonna pretend like this never happened.


	3. Chapter 3

It was one of those rare days where they were out at sea and the whole world seemed to be at peace. At least as at peace as it got with them, but still nice nonetheless. Luffy was busy fishing, so he’d be behaving for a little bit, so he could nap without any worry of something stupid happening, because seven out of ten times it was all on Luffy.

 

He could have the chance to just lay against one of the rails, and listen to the soft sounds of the waves beneath them as they gently rocked the ship. There was also the warmth that came with laying in the sun, and the slight breeze that kept him from getting too hot. This was just the right temperature. 

 

He was definitely going to take a nap. At this point it was probably going to happen even if he didn’t want it to happen. The conditions were all perfect, he probably got about four hours of sleep, and he trained this morning, and there was plenty of other people on the crew to keep an eye out for a little bit while he got some shut eye. 

 

At least that was the plan. He couldn’t have been asleep for more that a few minutes before he was awoken to a shooting pain his his stomach that he knew all too well. This was his fault for not being more aware of his surroundings. He should’ve known that this was going to end this way for him.

 

Normally he’d be just awake enough to twist his pelvis ever so slightly to avoid this, but this was just careless on his part. He couldn’t say he didn’t deserve this, but the knowledge of him knowing that he should’ve known better isn’t enough to quell the anger. He’s not sure if it’s at his captain, or if it’s at himself.

 

But there is no way that he’s going to let his captain get this victory. Especially if this was a battle that he didn’t even know he was a part of. This was going to turn into a matter of pride and Zoro was 100% okay with that. 

 

This was just going to be like another form of training. Endurance training. All he was gonna have to do was to outlast the pain and he’d be even stronger for it. If he could be a man that could take a shot to the manhood, then there’d be nothing that could stop him. 

 

But the pain was definitely something he couldn’t deny. It was there, and it really made him want to double over and maybe die, but he wasn’t going to let that happen. It was also going to be a challenge of muscle control. There was going to be no crumpling. He was strong, and he was a man. And if he wanted to be the greatest swordsman, something like a little shot to his tesicals wasn’t going to stop him. 

 

He could vaguely hear Luffy saying words, but for the life of them he couldn’t make it out. He was far to concentrated on the task at hand to actually hear any of it. All of what he had was going into this. This had gone from not letting Luffy win, to not letting his captain down. This was for both of them now, because how could he be on the crew of the king of the pirates if he couldn’t handle something little like that.

 

The pain was starting to go from sting, to burn. The kinda burn that he usually felt late into his training. Right around the point where his body was nearing its limit, and near the point where if he kept going he would actually hurt himself. He was going to have to tap out. 

 

But Luffy couldn’t know. Luffy could never know. He needed an out. Something that he could get away with and no one would question. 

 

He grunted, as he pretended to wake up.    
  
“Get off for a second, I gotta piss.” Hopefully there wasn’t pain in his voice, because there was pain in his everything else. Luffy said nothing and rolled off his lap.

 

Getting up was a lot harder than he thought it’d be, and he could only kinda stand upright. Hopefully this could be played off as him still being mostly asleep.

 

He stumbled into the bathroom door and doubled over. He’d lay on the floor for a bit as he recovered, but he wasn’t going to make this mistake again. He was never going to get sacked like that. Never again would he feel this pain.

 

That was a promise to himself.


	4. Chapter 4

Rainy days were so boring. There was nothing more boring than being stuck inside because no one wanted to be outside in the rain doing stuff with him and he couldn’t sit on the figure head. Something about no one wanting to watch him to make sure he didn’t fall into the sea, but he wasn’t listening because he was too busy being bored. 

 

No one seemed to care about his problem, because while he rolled around, everyone else seemed to be doing their own things. All boring inside things because fun inside things didn’t exist. It was a fact that he had learned in his 19 years of life, and nothing was gonna prove him wrong, because anything that was fun to do could also be done outside, and everything that was fun outside wasn’t allowed inside so it was obvious which one was the better one. 

 

And Usopp had already told him that he had to wait to hear another story from him because three stories in a row is a lot, and he needed a break.So he really had nothing to do but roll around and suffer.

 

Clearly there was only one person who could help him now. Because she had to have lots of stories because she was on a bunch of different pirate crews. Pirate crews that sucked, but still pirate crews.

 

“Robiiiiin.” He whined, attempting to squirm across her lap, only to be picked up and dropped onto her lap. 

 

“Yes Luffy?”

 

“What’s the scariest way you killed someone.”

 

“Define scary.”

 

“Like send chills down my spine. You read lots of books, you should know what scary means.” Robin chuckled.

 

“Of course, but I don’t think you’d want to hear the scariest way I’ve killed someone.” 

 

“But that just makes me want to hear it moooooooore. Robiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnn.” He whined, because there was no way that she didn’t know that this would make him 100% want to hear the story even more. Because now he had to. Or else he’d die probably.

 

“Oh! Oh! Captain’s orders! You gotta tell!”

 

“Are you really sure, captain? Because if I tell you, who knows how long it’ll take to get out of your mind. You could be carrying this for a long time.”

 

“Captain’s orders!” There was no way she was getting out of this one. He was gonna hear it, and it was gonna be cool and scary.

 

“Alright.” Robin chuckled. “ Well, when I was younger, some people found it hard to accept no’s from me. This was back before I simply resorted to… discouraging them with usually minor acts of violence, so they would learn their lesson and I could move on with my life without having to be bothered by that again. An older man offered that instead of handing me over, I would do a favor for him.”

 

“So did you have to kill a guy for him?” A hand sprouted and patted his face. 

 

“Not quite. He wanted more of the sexual kind of favor. I declined, and I was readying to leave, when he put his hands on me and insisted I stay, and that the favor wouldn’t be too much of a hassle.” 

 

“That bastard better not’ve hurt you or I’ll kill him!” Sanji, who was now also listening to the story and stopped what he was doing in the kitchen.

 

“Not if I kill him first.” Nami added. He was pretty sure they all forgot just how little shit Robin took from anyone, and how this guy was probably found all broken somewhere. Which was a shame because like anyone who caused his crew pain, he’d kinda like to smash their faces into different looking faces.

 

“You know for wanting to hear my story, there’s a lot of interrupting going on.”

 

“Yeah! Let Robin tell us how she killed this guy in a scary way!”

 

“Sorry.” They mumbled, quieting down to listen again. 

 

“So he insisted I stay, and I insisted I should leave. He finally grabbed me and threw me against the wall, and by this point I was done with this whole situation. I knew exactly what he had intended on doing, but I wasn’t planning on having a body be left behind. Having them follow me by word of mouth is one thing, but a trail of corpses is another. So I decided to dissuade him. I sprouted some hands, and I grabbed his testicals as hard as I could.” Luffy couldn’t help but squirm.  “I did intend to simply twist them off, but before I could do that he collapsed. I checked before I ran off, and the man was dead. It wasn’t my plan, but sometimes things don’t go accordingly and that’s just fine.”

 

He didn’t even get hit and his jewels still felt like they did.

 

“Robin! Why did you tell that story!?” 

 

“Well, you wanted the scariest way I killed someone, and I chose accordingly. I warned you ahead of time.”

 

He hated having his words being used against him. Almost as much as he hated how his jewels felt.


	5. Chapter 5

****

Sometimes you just had to go out and do something new and exciting. And when your life is a typical pirates life, sometimes the new and exciting thing was also a safe thing that you did on deck and there were low stakes. 

 

Because it felt like every island they had been on so far had something on it that tried to kill them, and honestly as much as he wanted to be a brave warrior of the sea there were times where it was just a lot. He was armed with a slingshot, and he was definitely falling behind. 

 

It was kinda understandable, since he was your average East Blue boy. It was the weakest blue for a reason, and that’s because most of the people there were pretty mild. It wasn’t something that you’d really see on this crew, because he was sure that combined, they had all the strongest fighters in the East Blue between Luffy, Sanji, and Zoro. But on the other hand, he was kinda underwhelming compared to them. He knew Nami felt the same way, so this was also for her, and not just for him.

 

Skypea gave him a lot of inspiration, and a lot of cool new tools. Maybe it wouldn’t be 100% great for catch up, but it’d be something to keep him and Nami from looking as weak compared to the monsters on their team. 

 

For Nami, it wasn’t so much an arsenal expansion as it was an upgrade. While her old climatact was impressive, he still knew she had some gripes about it. The failure was more in the fact that they both seemed to have different priorities, because she didn’t feel the same way about diversions, because confusion was a great way to make your escape, and also great for parties. And in his defence, what she wanted wasn’t clear enough in the beginning. Nami made sure that he wasn’t going to make the same mistakes twice.  

 

Hopefully she’d like this upgrade. Because right now he was pretty creatively spent on it. Bo staffs weren’t usually his scene, but with dials it was pretty easy to make, hopefully, the right changes.

 

He still had plenty of dials left over. None of them were really fitting for the style of weapon he used, but to be fair, a slingshot was an untraditional weapon to use. But dials or not, that didn’t mean he couldn’t make some changes to his slingshot.

 

Range wise it was fine when they were fighting weaker foes, but now that they were out here, it was getting obvious that his slingshot was looking more like a toy with every stronger villain. He was out of most of these guy’s leagues anyway, but it was getting to the point where a local civilian would probably have a better chance against them. At least a clever local, because that was really the only thing that helped him through most of his fights. 

 

Friendship, cunning, and luck were all he had on his side. And all it took was one unlucky fight and he’d probably be dead. So he was gonna have to do better if he wanted to have even a chance of keeping up.

 

So he made a new slingshot. It was way different, and it had a lot more power to it than his old one did. Over double the firing power, and it was a lot sturdier than his last one. It was even longer to take into consideration when he’s terrified and can’t stop shaking, so he can put the end on the ground so the shaking is less noticeable. 

 

Tonight he was going to test it out. Everyone else was asleep, so it’ll still be a surprise when he brings it into battle, and he can pretend its no big deal and how easily he’s adapted to using it while everyone drowns him in compliments. He was also gonna kick some serious ass and that was gonna get him praise for sure.

 

Time to check out the range on this bad boy, the wind is perfectly calm and he had a clean shot. He readied to take the shot-

 

-And then Luffy happened. Luffy happened as hard as he always done. He tackled him just as Usopp was taking the shot. Of all the times to get hit it just had to be then. 

 

The test pebble instead of going out into the ocean hit the mast, hit the door, and this hit Usopp right in the dick. The sheer shock of this caught him off guard because that messed up the shot to make it almost as bad as it could possibly get. At least it was his dick and not his boys. That would’ve been so much worse.

 

But then he went to rub it and then he accidentally hit himself with his way longer slingshot and then crumbled onto the deck. That one was his fault, but he still felt anger because if he hadn’t have done that then he wouldn’t be in this mess. But at the same time if Luffy hadn’t have tackled him he wouldn’t have messed up the shot that much.

 

“Usopp! Usopp your jewels! I’m sorry!!” Luffy yelled.

 

“Luffy…. I just can’t right now… Just go back to the cabin I can’t with you.” He managed to groan out. He hurt, but he’d be fine. He loved his captain but sometimes he just couldn’t. This was just one of those times.

 

Luffy was quiet for a moment, probably making a sad face at him that he couldn’t see between the deck and the darkness. At least he could hear the soft slap of flip flops as Luffy left. A win for now, and they’d both apologize later.

 

But he was definitely going to have to find a way to keep this from happening in an actual fight. He was so glad he found that out now and not in battle. He still had time to fix this, and save his boys.


	6. Chapter 6

There were tons of things that were great about her crew. The thing she liked the most was obvious. It was the rest of the Strawhat Pirates. Her crew was her family, they got on her nerves, but they were still her family. They were welcoming and supportive just as they were annoying. 

 

But the spot of second was a position that was highly fought over. Because on one hand, there was the tub in the washroom. It was absolutely stunning, because it was so big and so beautiful. If she had told you that it was a tub on a pirate ship she would have called you a liar. It was on par with the bathtubs she saw on cruise ships she used to steal from. Franky did a great job of this. 

 

The only thing that could come close to that beautiful tub was the meals Sanji made. Every meal he made was perfection. Even the smell was heavenly. She wouldn’t call herself a glutton in any measure, but she was honestly excited for every meal. Nami hated to admit it, but if she wasn’t up against someone like Luffy to balance her out, she wouldn’t be as slim and agile as she is now.

 

She could smell what he made tonight and at least for now, she was going to have to say that the food was definitely her second favorite thing about being a Strawhat. If it weren’t for the constant threat of being caught because they’re criminals, and that people would attack them and try to kill them for it, she would swear that at some point she had become royalty. 

 

It was about time to go into the dining room to get ready for supper. Getting there late almost guarantees that she’d be getting basically scraps. Luffy didn’t mess around when it comes to eating and that was something that they all had to just accept.

 

Nami got there, and shortly after everyone started filtering in behind her and taking their spots at the table. Looked like it was some noodle dish, some soup, and a few grilled fishes. It was going to be a good meal, but she had a funny feeling that soup was going to be gone instantly. Luffy could just down that in a second. 

 

But nonetheless, Sanji brought out the food to the table, and was careful to watch his fingers so he didn’t get caught between Luffy and dinner. Luffy may have been hard to get food from, but after all the time of living with him, they all were good at getting their share of supper from him. 

 

Nami kinda stopped paying attention to Sanji for a bit, so that she could focus on not getting her food stolen. Because having the food on your plate didn’t mean that you were the one that was going to get to eat it.

 

But Sanji got his attention again when he suddenly made a yelp sound. That got everyone’s attention. Even Luffy, who was busy stuffing his mouth full of food before this stopped and looked at him. Did Luffy accidentally get him? Because she was sure everyone’s been bitten by Luffy at meal time. That’s just how it was and that all had to accept it. No one had a 100% success rate.

 

All eyes were on him now, and Sanji kinda shrunk, his hands were under the table and he was on the other side of the table so she couldn’t see if he was bleeding or not. She really hoped his hands were okay, she knew how important they were to him.

 

“It’s nothing… I just sat on my balls.” Sanji sheepishly wheezed. 

 

“That’s a thing that could happen?” She thought that that wouldn’t be much of a possibility. 

 

“Oh course you can sit on your balls, Nami! Don’t say stupid stuff!” Luffy sassed, like she wasn’t about to hit him.

 

“Yeah, it’s not that uncommon a thing. How have you not noticed it happen.” Usopp added.

 

“It mostly happens to me when I go to take a nap on the deck, but it sometimes happens in bars.” Zoro joined in. 

 

“All the time?” 

 

“No Nami, it only sometimes happens, but those are the times it mostly happens.”

 

“Yeah Nami.”

 

“I wasn’t talking to you, Luffy!”

 

“Well you’re being dumb!”

 

“Sorry I don’t know everything about testicals! In case you forgot, I don’t have those!”

 

Her attention went back over to Sanji, whose face was in his empty face, and she had to wonder if it got worse or something.

 

“I would rather be kicked in the groin again, can we please talk about anything other than testicals at the dinner table? I don’t wanna hear my Nami-Swan yell about them.” Sanji wheezed, as if this was something she wanted to talk about. 

 

She could see the look on Luffy’s face before he went back to eating. That was the face that he had when he thought he won an argument. She hated this, but there was nothing that she could really do about this because she respected Sanji’s wishes, but when this was done she was going to punch some manners into him.

 


	7. Chapter 7

This was unfortunately becoming more of a problem than she had ever thought it was going to be. There was probably nothing that she wanted to ask but was going to have to ask about, but here she was and here they were putting her into this situation to have to ask. She was going to have to learn about testicals and that was awful.

 

She was going to have to be smart about who she asked, because there was a good chance there was going to be a lot of nonsense and stupidity. Robin probably had some answers, but probably not enough to actually answer her questions. Usopp and Sanji would probably get too embarrassed to answer the questions, Zoro probably wouldn’t know enough either. She had seen Franky’s so that just weird and she had her fair share of that with him. Luffy was going to be an asshole about it and probably tell her lies that he was told like his testicals being full of frogs or something and they kick when they get hit. Brook hasn’t had any for years. 

 

Actually she wasn’t sure why her first instinct wasn’t immediately Chopper. He was cute and innocent, and it was going to be weird, but he was also a doctor and actually knew what he was talking about so he was the person she had to talk to if she actually wanted any answers. Thinking about it now, she was sure she heard him talk about them before, and her brain hated those words coming from his body so much that her brain just forgot he did that, but she definitely remembered something about testicular torsion and ruptures. They were definitely things that were really awful, because those combinations of words alone made they guys squirm.

 

But by this point she was just stalling. She needed to talk to Chopper about this, no matter how weird this was. This just seemed like it was going to be some sort of life knowledge that she had to know now that she was living with all these guys who kept doing awful things to themselves accidentally.

 

“Hey Chopper, can I talk to you privately for a second?” Because there was no way she was doing this with other people there. It was embarrassing and she was going to have to throw Luffy overboard and then save him.

 

“OOOOOOH!! Choppers in trouble!!” Luffy and Usopp teased, because they were children. 

 

Chopper looked a little embarrassed about it, but he passed his fishing rod over to Usopp to be responsible over while he was out. 

 

They walked to the sick bay, and she closed the door.

 

“Is everything alright, Nami? I thought this was going to be something I did, but if we’re here is this more a medical thing?” Chopper asked, making her almost feel bad for what she was going to ask. 

 

“Well, kinda. Seeing as how the guys keep doing awful things to themselves, so I want to know more about why testicals are so awful to hurt.”

 

“Oh! Well that’s an easy answer! I was worried you were sick or something, because sometimes people hide the embarrassing details and let it get bad before they get help. But it’s simple why tesitcal injuries are so intense. Because they start off inside the torso, and then drop down, but the nerves that connect them also send pain to the rest of the abdomen, and pain that there’s really nothing that you can do anything about. On top of that there’s also sudden stomach contractions that happen that can cause nausea, but also vomiting. But most of this is mostly an evolutionary thing to keep damage to important reproductive organs so breeding can still take place. Since the pain is so intense, it’s harder to forget, so you won’t do it again.” Chopper explained, transforming to pull down a chart to point out things as he’s explaining.

 

“So is the reason why they squirm so much when it’s brought up because they’re remembering times they’ve had it happened to them?” Because that’d make sense. 

 

“Well they know the pain, and think of it more like their brains also going,’oh this is a painful and dangerous thing, so I won’t do it either’. It’s very much so a sympathy thing.” 

 

“Is there anything else I should know?” Because she was starting to see why they took it so serious.

 

“Well there’s also a feeling of blood rushing to them that makes them feel like they’re bleeding.” 

 

“But other than that, that’s it?”

 

“For the most part, the rest are more serious issues and much less common.”

 

“Alright. Thank you.  I’m sorry you guys have to deal with that.”

 

“Oh, mine are different, these are human problems.”   
  
“Thanks, I’m gonna go and forget you told me that last part.” Chopper laughed nervously.

 

“Sorry, that just kinda slipped out.”


	8. Chapter 8

Right now, him and Franky were working on some cool new cannons for the ship. More power for less effort, but in a way that won’t put too much stress on the ship. Because if they put too much power without ways for it to balance itself out, it could tip over the ship, and it wouldn’t matter how many swimmers they had, because they’d all be dead in the water. Not to mention after all the effort Franky put into the Sunny, and how much they all loved Sunny, there was no way he could let this happen. 

 

The easiest way was to have them sorta suspended and with some mechanisms under it to keep it from rocking too much. And that was way more than doable. It was probably a little more work than he might’ve wanted, but it was fine. It meant not messing up their home, it would be worth putting in the effort to securing the cannons properly. Like really tightly, to make sure they didn’t fly off their supports. Because if they weren’t secure they might blast a hole, or at least cause serious damage to the walls of the ship.

 

“Hey bro, could you pass me the hammer?”    
  
“Of course.” He held the hammer out to Franky to take, but the hammer dropped instead of it going into Franky’s hand. 

 

Usopp watched in horror (he was pretty sure Luffy was too, but he couldn’t take his eyes off this trainwreck to check) as the hammer fell right onto Franky’s lap. He braced for the worst, because there was no way that wasn’t bad. That had to have been at least a graze, and would still be awful if it hit. It didn’t happen to him, but his stomach tightened probably as tight as it could physically go, and one hand went to his eyes, and the other went to his own situation.

 

With little more than an “oop” Franky picked up the hammer, and got to work hammering in supports. 

 

Something was wrong. That’s just not how things happened. He was sure not even Luffy’s rubber nuts could handle that. It was unimaginable but Franky just kept going like nothing happened. Was this just adrenaline? Because that happened sometimes. Was Franky just using the power that parents used to lift large pieces of debris off their babies to save them to work on this project? Was this something he should be impress, scared, concerned, or all of the above. 

 

Franky, who had to have noticed either the stunned silence or the horrified noises that both him and Luffy might’ve been making without knowing, started to work on figuring this out. 

 

He then started to grab his crotch and cry out in pain, but Usopp was onto him. Something was up here, and he deserved answers. He saw a lot the day Franky joined, so he knew that he had testicals, so what was the deal here. Because he had them and they felt pain. 

 

“So, uh, Franky. You got something you want to share?” Because he was gonna get those answers. After that awful situation that made his own situation feel like it just crawled into his body, he felt they were due. 

 

“Just in a lot of pain. It hurts so much.”

 

“Yeah Usopp! Leave him alone!”

 

“Tell us what’s really going on here. Because you’re not in pain, are you.” Usopp said, leaning in closer, eyes squinting suspiciously. 

 

“What are you talking about, Usopp!?” 

 

“Yeah, uh, I don’t know what you’re talkin about, bro. Everything hurts so much, it’s awful.” Usopp leaned in more and squinted harder. 

 

“I think you do.” They were now nose to nose.

 

“Alright. Fine. But nothing said here can leave this room.” Franky sighed. “I have metal balls. They don’t really feel much pain, because there was a lot of rebuilding, and a lot of talks with black market doctors. They’re fully functional, but they’re mostly an upgrade since my old situation got decimated by the sea train.”

 

That was so awful, but also so cool? It sucked that his original boys got destroyed, but at the same time now he had fully functional robot balls that couldn’t feel pain. What he wouldn’t give to be free from-

 

-Wait a second. A lot of the fights he had with Robin when he did something stupid ended up with him getting his balls grabbed and him on the floor and in pain. Because there were a good few times that that’s happened to him.

 

“What about when Robin grabs them?” 

 

“Oh yeah, every time Robin does that you always roll around on the floor in pain.”

 

“Listen, I love Robin, but she terrifies me. I don’t know what she’d do to me if she finds out that these aren’t a weakness for me. I know she’d never do lasting damage, but still it’s the little things.”

 

And to think that they both had knowledge to now destroy Franky. But did a man who had indestructible balls truly have a weakness?

 

“Not a word of this leaves here.”

 

“Of course.”

 


	9. Chapter 9

 

Naturally, Luffy being Luffy the whole fact that Franky had metal balls got out to the guys. In his defense, Luffy never promised anything, and was more of an impressed bystander in this whole trainwreck. But at least they had all agreed that no one would ever tell Robin.

 

Well, they pretty well already knew that Robin already knew. What they didn’t know what would happen when the unstoppable force that was Robin met the unmoving object which were Franky’s metal balls. And that was a scary bridge that no one wanted to cross or even think about the fact that it existed.

 

And with Nami the one on lookout tonight, it meant that all the guys were in the cabin, minus Chopper who got the luxury of his own room that wasn’t full of stank. And with most of the guys here, that meant that they 100% had to talk about the new discovery that they had all learned about. 

 

“So who do you think has the more durable testicals, Franky, or Luffy?” Brook asked from his bunk. And there was a moment of silence as everyone thought about this. 

 

“Mine.” Usopp’s mouth blurted out before his brain could catch up. The regret was instant.

 

“Is that a challenge?” He could hear the contest already about to start as now Luffy was riled up.

 

“You better not be making promises your balls can’t keep.” Franky teased.

 

“Of course not. But first I’m gonna go put on different underwear. Looser ones so I can just poke them out the side and not have to worry about having everything out.” So he could find a way to outsmart his way out of this.

 

“We’ve all seen your wiener, you can have it out.” Luffy reminded.

 

“Just because I have, doesn’t mean I want to.”

 

“But you’re okay with your balls.” Zoro added, because he was awake somehow.

 

“Well they’re part of this. Are there peinis stunts no ones telling me about?”

 

“Fair point.”

 

“I’m also gonna grab Chopper in case things get bad.”

 

“Yeah, that’s probably the best idea any one of us has had all evening.” 

 

He went to his locker and rummaged around his stuff. He grabbed a pair of underwear, but he also grabbed the pair of fake testicals that some kids on an island they were on a while back tried to stick on the back of the ship but he took them from him and now he had something in his locker that he was going to have a hard time explaining why he had these because how do you throw away a pair of ship nuts without having to deal with everyone thinking you’re a pervert or the off chance that those kids fished it out and stuck them back on when he wasn’t looking.  He was just going to have to accept this hand he was dealt, and make do.

 

So he ran off to the bathroom, and changed underwear into a pair that was admittedly just as loose as his first pair, and he stuck the ship nuts to the inside of his underwear, tucked his own pair, and put his pants back on. He stuck his head in the sick bay.

 

“Hey Chopper, we’re about to make some bad choices, can you come supervise and make sure no one loses anything important.”

 

“Why do you guys always do things like this that make me worried about all of you as a whole?”

 

“Don’t worry, I wish we weren’t like that either.” Especially himself. This was not a good moment for him.

 

He especially knew this was only going to end in tears when he saw dumbbells. Three of them, with Luffy and Franky both standing pantsless behind their own. He guessed the last one was for him. Chopper looked up at him, more disappointed than anything but he couldn’t pretend that he didn’t already know it was going to be bad. He was a member of this crew and he knew all of their nonsense.

Reluctantly, he undressed, and he hung the fortunately vaguely his skin colour ship nuts out of his pants. He got behind the dumbbell that was left, and readied himself for the worst. 

 

Brook must’ve been the unfortunate one that lost a round of rock paper scissors while he was out, because he was the one that had to attach the little bit of fabric to their nuts, and he was seriously glad he had those ship nuts in his locker because again how do you get rid of those and not look like a pervert.

 

Franky’s went fine. He took it like a champ and he stood their triumphantly with his weight actually hanging there just fine. Usopp was a little scared, impressed and mesmerized because actually how? They were metal, but how?

 

Luffy’s went about as well as he thought it would. The weight was attached, but being stretchy, it hit the ground.

 

“Okay but it should still count because it doesn’t hurt. It’s not my fault I’m stretchy.” Luffy pouted, knowing at least on this one there was no winning this round.

 

But his was the one no one was ready for. Brook tied the weight around the ship nuts. Brook didn’t seem to say anything about it texture wise, but given the last two sacks he touched were rubber and Franky’s RoboNuts, he probably didn’t notice. All was good and well, until Brook let go.

 

And the ship nuts fell off and onto the floor.

 

The shrieks were reaching a pitch where only dogs could hear them, Sanji, Luffy, and Franky passed out out of horror, Zoro fear barfed, Brook was still screaming, and Chopper ran to his aide.

 

It didn’t take long for him to figure out what was up, and it didn’t take long for Nami and Robin to run in and see three of them naked from the waist down (minus Usopp has his socks on, his pants were around his ankles with Chopper checking out his situation.), three people passed out, Brook screaming, barf on the floor, and a pair of fake testicals.

 

This might actually have been the worst night of his life, but god he didn’t want to deal with tomorrow.


End file.
